Success isn’t just about delivering; it’s about making yourself memorable to the right people.
As a child, we’re taught the golden formula for success: work hard and work smart. It’s a mantra that carried many of us through school and early careers. Yet, as I’ve matured and navigated the complex dynamics of the adult world, I’ve realized that success isn’t merely about how hard or smart you work—it’s about understanding people, navigating relationships, and adapting to ever-changing circumstances.
Here’s what I’ve learned, laced with real-life experiences that have shaped my perspective.
1. Success Relies on Relationships, Not Just Effort
In my early career days, I believed that staying late at the office and delivering impeccable work would naturally lead to promotions. But then I noticed colleagues who were equally competent, though not necessarily burning the midnight oil, climbing the corporate ladder faster.
One particular instance stands out. A coworker of mine consistently built strong relationships with stakeholders, even outside work hours. They knew the power players’ favorite restaurants, celebrated birthdays with thoughtful gestures, and casually dropped career goals during after-work drinks. Their career soared—not because they worked harder or smarter, but because they understood the game of connection.
2. Perception Often Trumps Reality
In the adult world, how you’re perceived can sometimes matter more than the reality of your efforts. I remember a manager in one of my roles who exuded confidence and spoke passionately, even when their ideas weren’t revolutionary.
Meanwhile, I had a colleague who was brilliant but quiet—always behind the scenes, ensuring the ship sailed smoothly. When promotion time came, the outspoken manager got the spotlight, while the diligent, introverted colleague was overlooked.
This taught me that it’s not just about being good at your job—it’s about showcasing your work and controlling your narrative.
3. It’s About Who Can Handle Chaos the Best
Adult life is a whirlwind of unforeseen challenges. I once managed a project for a high-profile client, juggling tight deadlines, a budget that kept shrinking, and team members who were pulled in a dozen directions.
I thought my ability to work smart and optimize processes would save the day, but what truly saved the project was my ability to remain calm amid the chaos. I had to mediate between stakeholders, empathize with overworked colleagues, and pitch creative solutions on the fly.
Clients and bosses didn’t care about how “hard” I worked—they cared that I could adapt and deliver under pressure.
4. Emotional Intelligence > Technical Skills
Hard and smart work will always have their place, but emotional intelligence (EQ) is the differentiator. I once saw a top-performing employee—someone with an impeccable work ethic and technical mastery—struggle to connect with their team. Their lack of empathy and inability to resolve interpersonal conflicts led to low morale and team turnover.
Meanwhile, a less technically skilled manager excelled because they invested time in understanding their team’s needs, creating a supportive environment, and maintaining open communication.
This experience drove home the importance of EQ in fostering collaboration and driving results.
5. It’s Not Fair—And That’s Okay
Perhaps the hardest lesson I’ve learned is that the world is not a meritocracy. I’ve seen people who cut corners succeed simply because they knew how to sell their vision. I’ve witnessed quiet hard workers get left behind, not because they lacked talent, but because they didn’t play the social game.
It’s not fair, but that’s the world we live in. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can strategize to navigate it.
What I’ve Learned About People: Hard Work and Smart Work Are No Longer Enough in the Adult World
As a child, we’re taught the golden formula for success: work hard and work smart. It’s a mantra that carried many of us through school and early careers. Yet, as I’ve matured and navigated the complex dynamics of the adult world, I’ve realized that success isn’t merely about how hard or smart you work—it’s about understanding people, navigating relationships, and adapting to ever-changing circumstances.
Here’s what I’ve learned, laced with real-life experiences that have shaped my perspective.
1. Success Relies on Relationships, Not Just Effort
In my early career days, I believed that staying late at the office and delivering impeccable work would naturally lead to promotions. But then I noticed colleagues who were equally competent, though not necessarily burning the midnight oil, climbing the corporate ladder faster.
One particular instance stands out. A coworker of mine consistently built strong relationships with stakeholders, even outside work hours. They knew the power players’ favorite restaurants, celebrated birthdays with thoughtful gestures, and casually dropped career goals during after-work drinks. Their career soared—not because they worked harder or smarter, but because they understood the game of connection.
Lesson learned: Success isn’t just about delivering; it’s about making yourself memorable to the right people.
2. Perception Often Trumps Reality
In the adult world, how you’re perceived can sometimes matter more than the reality of your efforts. I remember a manager in one of my roles who exuded confidence and spoke passionately, even when their ideas weren’t revolutionary.
Meanwhile, I had a colleague who was brilliant but quiet—always behind the scenes, ensuring the ship sailed smoothly. When promotion time came, the outspoken manager got the spotlight, while the diligent, introverted colleague was overlooked.
This taught me that it’s not just about being good at your job—it’s about showcasing your work and controlling your narrative.
3. It’s About Who Can Handle Chaos the Best
Adult life is a whirlwind of unforeseen challenges. I once managed a project for a high-profile client, juggling tight deadlines, a budget that kept shrinking, and team members who were pulled in a dozen directions.
I thought my ability to work smart and optimize processes would save the day, but what truly saved the project was my ability to remain calm amid the chaos. I had to mediate between stakeholders, empathize with overworked colleagues, and pitch creative solutions on the fly.
Clients and bosses didn’t care about how “hard” I worked—they cared that I could adapt and deliver under pressure.
4. Emotional Intelligence > Technical Skills
Hard and smart work will always have their place, but emotional intelligence (EQ) is the differentiator. I once saw a top-performing employee—someone with an impeccable work ethic and technical mastery—struggle to connect with their team. Their lack of empathy and inability to resolve interpersonal conflicts led to low morale and team turnover.
Meanwhile, a less technically skilled manager excelled because they invested time in understanding their team’s needs, creating a supportive environment, and maintaining open communication.
This experience drove home the importance of EQ in fostering collaboration and driving results.
5. It’s Not Fair—And That’s Okay
Perhaps the hardest lesson I’ve learned is that the world is not a meritocracy. I’ve seen people who cut corners succeed simply because they knew how to sell their vision. I’ve witnessed quiet hard workers get left behind, not because they lacked talent, but because they didn’t play the social game.
It’s not fair, but that’s the world we live in. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can strategize to navigate it.
In the adult world, working hard and smart are just the foundation. To truly thrive, we must evolve, learning to navigate the complexities of human dynamics, perceptions, and the unpredictability of life. That’s the real challenge—and the real reward.
What have your experiences taught you about success in the adult world? Let’s share and learn together.
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